The Trip - Commencing 17/01/09: Washington - NY - Toronto - Chicago - Colorado - San Francisco - Las Vegas - LA - Cook Islands - New Zealand - Australia - Singapore - Thailand.
The most important thing aboutr the trip: I'm going with Guy Andrew Edgar
Essentially this blog is all about the considerable high and inevitable lows I expect to be experiencing on my 6 month long trip around the world. However, do not expect this blog to have much high brow cultural, social or philosophical observations. That is because a) I can't be arsed, b) its pretty pretentious stuff that won't be of interest and c) I'd rather concentrate on taking the mikey out of one of my best mates (and travel companion) Guy Edgar. I've had a lot of highs in my life so far, such as graduating, but none can come anywhere near the joy that this Malvern simpleton provides me with.
I hope anyone who reads this finds it enjoyable and amusing from time to time. However, ultimatley, i just think it will act as a fantastic record of my trip away. Something I'd love to read when Im old my hair starts receeding like my friend Matt Winter (24 years of age).
A note to Guy: You are an absolute legend, my best mate and I value your friendship to bits. IF you ever get wind (I'll amke sure you do) of the potentially character assasinating details I will be providing about you over teh next 6 months, I hope you will read them, knowing its all good tongue in cheek fun.
(if this doesn't work I'll buy him a cake and allow him to hug me for a short period as thatusually works an absolute treat)
Guilt completley vanished from my concious, we can now begin talking about Guy. Brilliant.
So then, who is Guy?
I've known Guy for three or four years now. We met on the first day of uni. He comes from a small village called Malvern in Worcestershire - its the kind of isolated small palce that one can wittily ask 'you still using horse and cart up there then?'. Dynamite, no?
Anyway, he's a lovely chap - the nicest fella you can ever meet. He wouldn't hurt a fly, although that said he has a tendency to flush slugs down the toilet. When I and my former housemates inquired why he would take such extreme methods to alleviate the slimy lads from the house, he would whip back his cape, reveal a hardened frown, souless eyes and reply 'to send out a message'.
He's also a rather clumbsy and very excitable chap. Just last week he slammed into a sliding door...a few seconds after closing it himself. I always fondly remember his nearly dislocating his shoulder once...it was the first week of uni and after the 250th time of Guy sprinting with his little tail wagging with excitement, i thought i'd catch some shut eye and therby decided to lock the door. 30 seconds later Guy came stomping up the stairs, wide eyes and bushy tailed wanting to inform me that it was Fish and Chips Friday in the canteen...he must have taken a run up and assuming that the door was unlocked as usual he threw his considerable frame at the door. Bang! ....'arrr!....arrrr...' he whimpered. God bless him. I fell asleep with a hearty chortle.
Unlike myself, sleep is an inconvenience for Guy. 'Eager Edgar' the tabloids would sum him up as. I treasure my sleep, I bloody love it - I dream about sleeping. Whereas for Guy, I always imagine him getting bolt upright at exactly 7 am everyday, popping the radio on, clothes on and popping a piece of toast (actually make taht 5 for him) in his mouth and entering Malvern village desperate to chat to the locals. Before getting hundred yards he would already have helped severly small old ladies with their shopping. We often think that a statue is the offing for Edgar in his village as he is 'a malvern lad done good'...the first ever to leave the town boundaries in search of education, by all accounts. Often my energy levels can drop a bit with Guy and often I have to tag in another mate to pick up the conversation with him. This is no fault of his, but more my own inability to be a happy chappy all the time. I hope , for the sake of Guy's life on this trip,Guy has come to understand this!
Now then, what does he look like? He is a lump of a man - by no means overweight but very sturdy. We often refer to his legs as 'steakthighs' - this dates back to our first observations that his legs were considerably gurthy compared to his upper body and we accused Guy of stapling sturdy sirloin steaks to his thighs...Guy soon informed us that his intriguing pegs were the real deal. He also has a rather rotund backside - the kins of which an afro-carribean extra from Cool Runnings would be proud of. To be fare to him he utilises it well on the dancefloor. Indeed teh phrase collateral damage can be referred no just to the ongoing Iraqi war but also the reverbarations that Guy's shapes create in his wiggling wake on teh dancefloor. That said he has pulled a few ladies in the past with his dancing. To this day I don't understand it. Guty has a ball of black, fairly tough hair, its the kind where if he was recreating a scene from Braveheart he wouldn't need a wig because his barnet is so quintessentially scottish. Like his hair, Guy is robust - the kind of fella you wouldn't mind being in a war trench with - he would do his duty for sure.
....Whereas a bit of mincer like my pal Matthew Winter would be an absoloutley catstrophic soldier. When asked to go over teh top, Matt is likley to be pretentiously penning soliloques about the unjust suffereing whilst looking aimlessly for a plug socket for his straightners. On top of taht his ration packets would be off teh menu as he can't eat anything wheat related. You wouldn't need to interrogate Matt with a gun or a knife, you would just pop out some crumpets and pop one under his nostrils...he'd surrender all info in 10 seconds...just after he asks if any of his captors have heard of his myspace music page. Also, noticed last week that Matt really does mince. As he walks his left arm goes back and forth at 45 degrees. Our friend Will, an eagle eyed physiotherapist, noticed that his wrist flexes slightly on the drawback. It feels good to know that I can back up allegations of Winter's mincing with some cold hard facts which are not entirley libelous.
Matt is a good mate and quite possibly going to be the only reader this blog will have. Other than Guy, his name will coem up regularly...predminantly for ridicule. (He won't be travelling with us - he is getting a job rubbing the muscles of little singaporean fellas and somehow getting paid for it - he's a Physio) Me and Matt are fundamentally united by the love of Guy - yep he's back again. Its hard to explain, but I can only compare it to the first little disciple fellas who heard about Jesus - they immediatley wanted to spread the word about this incredible and mesmerising person to the entire world.
Note: Guy won't read any of this blog until we get to Singapore.
Right Im off. Relax - no post will ever be this big again. Just lots of titbits every now and again about watching Obama's inaugaration in Washington, Lincoln's memorial and Guy's perfectly spherical head...you know, the great icons of our time.
